Nick Saban vs. Mecha-Nick Saban

As a kid, I used to love the old Japanese Godzilla movies (which is why I will never, ever forgive the people behind that shitty-ass remake.  WTF was that?!).  I especially liked Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla.

For those of you who had a deprived childhood, Mechagodzilla (aka Mecha-Godzilla) was Godzilla's robotic doppelganger.  When they battled, it was heartless, fire-breathing evil versus its bionic equal.  Mano-a-Mechanical.

The reason I was thinking of Godzilla today was because I had started writing up a post about Alabama's head football coach, Nick Saban.  Like me, when you think Nick Saban, the first thing that probably comes to mind for you as well is heartless, fire-breathing evil (only with slightly less personality).

So I began free associating some ideas along the "Saban is Godzilla" theme when I  remembered the giant statue of Saban that Alabama had already erected...

And, voila, like that, the spark of an idea was upon me:  Pure, cold-blooded oversigning malevolence vs a metallic rush to deify (because, you know, what could possibly go wrong with putting up a statue of one's head coach while he's still there).

It really is the perfect monster movie.

So who would win such an epic battle of B-movie villainy?  As you know if you've watched such flicks, there isn't just one battle between the two baddies in each film, but many.  In different places, and against different backdrops.  Thus, the MZone breaks down what would happen in the scariest movie of the year...

Nick Saban vs. Mecha-Nick Saban

DESTRUCTIVE POWER

If the 9-foot bronze statue of Mecha-Nick Saban fell over, he'd crush that nearby wall.  But it can probably be fixed in a matter of weeks or days.

When Nick Saban recruits some kid only to abruptly pull his scholarship at the last minute, "grayshirt" him or make him take a medical hardship, these harmful actions leave scars on kids that can last a lifetime.

Advantage:

ON-SCREEN CHARISMA

Nick Saban always looks like a guy getting an enema while in a dental chair having a root canal at the same time.  Even Mark Dantonio has been known to remark, "Man, that dude needs to lighten the fuck up."

Mecha-Nick Saban just looks like the same guy getting only the enema.

Advantage:

BRAVERY IN BATTLE

Being 9 feet tall and made of bronze, Mecha-Nick Saban will not flee when things get tough.

After coaching at MSU and realizing he couldn't rise above Michigan when the playing field was level, Nick Saban fled to conferences where that wouldn't be the case.  Remember these words from Saban after he left MSU?:

"At Michigan State, we were never No. 1," Saban said. "That was always Michigan. It was always U-M this or that."

Advantage:

MOST DESPISED

This one is easy.  Mecha-Nick Saban is loved by pigeons.

Nick Saban is hated by any college football fan who doesn't bleed Crimson and White.

Advantage:

UPDATE:

Rigby did the poster for us!