Fan Film Breakdown: We were watching OSU football when we heard the gunshots

At the beginning of the season before the Alabama game, we started a new series here on the MZone called Fan Film Breakdown which we described this way:

When players and coaches want to learn about their next opponent, they watch and break down game film, studying it for clues.  But what if you want to learn about a team's fanbase? 

In an effort to help you, the MZone reader, better know the fans of our opponents each week, today we are starting a new feature here called Fan Film Breakdown.  In a nutshell, we scour YouTube for videos posted by fans of Michigan's next opponent, then break them down like coaches in order to give you insight into those fans.  Sure, it may sound simple, but it takes a keen blogger's eye to really "see the fanbase."

It was a hit with our readers and we couldn't wait to do the next one.  But there was just one teeny, tiny problem: content.  We quickly discovered that very few fan bases put the necessary asshattery online that's needed to sustain a series like this.  I mean, you don't find a whole hell of a lot of Air Force fans doing stupid shit in a double-wide then posting it to YouTube.

So the series went dormant - until now.  Because, thankfully, this is Ohio State week.  And they put all their stupid shit online.  Heck, the MZone might not exist if they didn't.

Thus, we present to you the delayed-but-worth-the-wait next installment of Fan Film Breakdown: Ohio State.

CLIP #1: O-H...I-Shit, Hit The Ground!



Yes, if there was ever :17 seconds that perfectly summed up Ohio State's fanbase, this is it.  In fact, if we'd made a parody OSU fan video, it wouldn't have been this good.

WHAT WE LEARNED:

-- Gunfire apparently gets a Buckeye fan to stop watching the game (although, to be fair based on the above video, we can only say with certainty that this happens when it's someone else doing the firing and not the Buckeye fan himself)
-- If your car runs into the porch, just leave it there

KEY PLAY:

-- "We were watching football...the Ohio State football game... and we heard a couple gunshots...so we just came out."

CLIP #2: Buckeye Potty Humor



How obsessed are Buckeye fans with Michigan?  We found almost as many vids of Tosu fans teaching their kids to and/or begging them to say something anti-Michigan (even ones like this one in which apparently a family friend or relative is doing it) as we did kids being goaded into saying "Go Bucks!"

WHAT WE LEARNED:

-- Of course Dad is wearing a Terrelle Pryor jersey.  Natch.
-- It's hard to be a Buckeye badass when you're sitting in front of Laura Ashley print curtains
-- We couldn't agree more that in the bathroom next to the shitter is the perfect place to store Woody Hayes and all your other prized Buckeye memorabilia
-- Buckeye fans have no problem sticking their hands in the toilet (probably from all their janitorial work) but apparently don't feel the need to wash their hands afterwards
-- What is it with Ohio State fans and toilet issues?  No seriously.  This is a big problem with them.

KEY PLAY:

-- "Woo hoo!  Poo on Blue, let's do this!"
-- "We need to have a target...for our poo poo.  This is a very special time in a Buckeye's life."  (Hey, you said it, not us.)

CLIP #3: OSU Upper Level Classes



WHAT WE LEARNED:

-- Now you know why Tosu is where it is in the U.S. News and World Report college rankings
-- This constitutes grad level work at Tosu
-- We're just happy to see Brutus didn't stick his head in the one beaker like other OSU fans just because he saw yellow liquid (you'll understand in a minute)

CLIP #4: Get Naked If You Hate Michigan



WHAT WE LEARNED:

-- Classy, aren't they?
-- If Woody Hayes spirit really was there, uh, we think we know where he was hiding

KEY PLAY:

-- "Fuck Michigan! (EXTENDS MIDDLE FINGER) Fuck you! Wooooooo!"
--  "I have no clothes on right now, that's how much I hate Michigan." *

* Actually, that's not true.  You still have a bikini on.  So, to be honest, we kinda wish you had a little more hate in you.

CLIP #5: You look like the piss boy

Note: The clip is labeled "Browns fan" on YouTube, but check out the dude's shirt.  Yep, you guessed it.  

Now, watch on at your own risk as man is offered $450 to stick his head in a bucket of urine at a tailgate.  You have been warned.



WHAT WE LEARNED:

-- Ohio State fans will do anything for money
-- This guy is married? 
-- So let me get this straight -- he took his shirt off?!  He's more worried about ruining his Ohio State shirt than STICKING HIS HEAD IN A BUCKET OF HUMAN URINE!  Oh...my...God.
-- The dude's boobs are almost as big as Mirror Lake Girl's above
--  That could be the grossest thing I've ever seen in my life.  I'm not kidding.  I should get at least $75 of that money for watching that in order to do this post. 
-- Why do I think that this still probably isn't the worst thing this dude has ever done.
-- On the positive side for this guy, before he dies of whatever disease(s) he caught, that $450 should be able to buy him some sweet-ass rims and curb feelers for his Camaro
-- Hand sanitizer?  Are you fucking kidding me?  You just stuck your head in a giant bucket of piss and you think HAND SANITIZER is going to make a difference?
-- How much you want to bet this asshole got in a fight inside the stadium with the guy sitting next to him because the other guy kept looking at Piss Boy and plugging his nose.  Can't you just hear it: "What the fuck you looking at, dick?!  Got a problem!?"  

KEY PLAY:

-- "My wife will kill me." (not if everything you just caught doesn't first)

UPDATE: Can get more embarrassing/worse?  It can: Piss Boy is a police officer!  No, he is. Click here. (HT: Dennis for the info) 

Fan Film Breakdown: Say Roll Tide, I'll Give You Another Piece of Ice

From the Editor:  Since the MZone is returning after a loooong hiatus and people might not know we're back, if you can kindly pass on a link or a tweet to a friend or 38, we'd sure appreciate it!

Yost

When players and coaches want to learn about their next opponent, they watch and break down game film, studying it for clues.  But what if you want to learn about a team's fanbase? 

In an effort to help you, the MZone reader, better know the fans of our opponents each week, today we are starting a new feature here called Fan Film Breakdown.  In a nutshell, we scour YouTube for videos posted by fans of Michigan's next opponent, then break them down like coaches in order to give you insight into those fans.  Sure, it may sound simple, but it takes a keen blogger's eye to really "see the fanbase."

Kicking off the new feature today, we turn our attention to the fans of Michigan's season opener, the Alabama Crimson Tide.  Please know that we didn't take this important task lightly.   To find out who Tide fans really are, we did meaningful YouTube research that took nearly 25 minutes.  Because we didn't want the stereotypes.  We wanted the truth.  In their own words.

And by God, we found it.

Thus, below is a completely unbiased, totally representative sample of the Crimson Tide fanbase.   Watch each video below then check out the Mzone's breakdown after the clip.

CLIP #1: ROLL TIDE BABY

WHAT WE LEARNED:
 Judging from the video, being a Tide fan isn't something a child born with.  It must be learned.  And if that doesn't work, bribery must be used

KEY PLAY:
-- "Say Roll Tide, I'll give you another piece of ice."
-- "Get the grass out of his mouth."

CLIP #2: ROLL TIDE GRANDMA

WHAT WE LEARNED:
 A Tide fan's love of her team never fades...nor does her love of stripping.

KEY PLAY:
-- "MOM!"
-- "We like to see your face, not your ass."

CLIP #3: JUST TWO PAINTED GUYS



WHAT WE LEARNED:
-- Judging by the same wood paneling in this video and in Roll Tide Grandma, either fans in 'Bama are all stuck in the 1970s or these two groups of folks might be related (or both).
-- Something is seriously wrong with our democracy when these two guys can vote for President of the United States and have said vote count just as much as yours

KEY PLAY:
-- "I don't even have a job."
-- "To summarilize all this stuff together..."

CLIP #4: THE TIDE IS COMING!



Ed. Note: At first we weren't sure if this was real.  We thought maybe somebody had broken into Yost's mind, stolen the idea for Fan Film Breakdown before he even had it then gone back in time and posted a fake, parody video of what a bad stereotype of a 'Bama fan might look like - just to see if we could spot a forgery.  We must be honest in saying that, after multiple viewings, we're still not sure that's not what happened.  Because to admit that the above video and person is a real Alabama fan is actually scarier than the whole breaking into Yost's mind/going back in time alternative.

WHAT WE LEARNED
-- Apparently people really do chew tobacco while not attending a NASCAR race or a Hank Williams Jr. concert.
-- Ned Beatty, please email and let us all know you are safe


KEY PLAY:
-- "Hbwphbrghykeduruv" (or whatever was said around the :24 second mark)
-- "Here's a little story..." followed by 10 second pause as brain reboots
-- "Screw you, bend over and kiss it good-bye cuz this shit ain't gonna be pretty."
-- "Roll Tide, motherfuckers"
-- [spit sound] x347

Well, there you have it, folks.  Our first Fan Film Breakdown.  Hope you now have a much more complete understanding of what we're up against off the field come Saturday.